May 10, 2011 –
Mistakes are a funny thing. When you make them, your first reaction is to run and hide from them, because you do not want to be known for the mistake, no matter how large or small. But that is absolutely a bigger mistake than the first one. There are multiple reasons why you should do the exact opposite and look the mistake right in the eye and learn from it. In building great business relationships, to ensure the relationship continues, you have to be able to manage the mistakes that you make.
When you hide from your mistake, it becomes a burden on you. You try to bury it deeper and deeper, but it always pops back up and rears its ugly head. So don’t hide from the mistake you made; to prevent that mistake from happening again, think through the steps you took that led you astray, and think about the different routes that you could have taken. But, once you understand the error of your ways, you can’t stop there. No, you then have to take action.
It’s time to make amends. If you make a blunder and it affected others, you have to address it and make things right. If you do not, it will be the 800-pound gorilla in the room every time your paths cross, and that’s only part of the problem; it’s going to continue to linger in your mind even when they are not present. That notion will pick away at you like a buzzard on a carcass, and the gnawing will erode your confidence and happiness. So, man up, take your lumps, and try to make things right. People will appreciate it when you take responsibility and work at fixing what you did wrong. Quite often, that ownership will strengthen a relationship. There will be times when the mistake is too catastrophic to salvage the relationship; however, you still need to address it, even if the relationship is destroyed. You need to do this in order to be able to fully move on.
That’s truly what has to come next. You have made the mistake, learned from it, and addressed it; now it’s time to move on. Do not dwell on it and get caught up in a vortex of doubt. The rehashing over and over again is only going to cause agony and derailment, and won’t help you grow in any way. Which, by the way, should be the key results of a mistake: to learn and grow. Don’t get bogged down by that mistake, because there will be others, and you can’t be toting around all your mistakes wherever you go. That would be an extreme burden that would slow you down and prevent you from achieving your goals.
How do I know this? You’re reading a guy who has made plenty of mistakes along the way, and guess what? Still do. I used to belabor every mistake I made and would run it over and over in my head. I also have hidden from mistakes, and at times, haven’t addressed them – all mistakes on my part; all were wrong and have been the cause of some regrets. But now, with almost a 25-year career in business under my belt, and 45 years of making blunders, I know that even though I will continue to make them, I realize that what defines you is not the mistakes you’ve made, but how you address them and grow forward. I’m not saying this gives you carte blanche to go out and be a mistake-making machine. No, you still have to work hard and pay attention in that area, but remember, it doesn’t matter how bright you are, how disciplined you are, or how seasoned you are, you will make mistakes. The key is how you handle them, which will determine how you will be viewed by yourself and others.
10 Comments
Wow, Lou, everything you said was right on the mark, both in terms of attitudes and actions. I can relate to so much of what you said, especially the way I used to carry mistakes with me and play them back in my head more times than Carlton Fisk’s game-winning home run in game six of 1975 world series has replayed on TV. You provided an action-plan for learning from our mistakes, taking the proper follow-up action, and then moving on a bit wiser than before. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience.
Thank you Bob.
I do love seeing Fisk waving for the ball to stay fair. But that’s a great moment in our lives and the repetition equals enjoyment (unless of course you were rooting for the Reds that game). The mistakes we make gnaw at us when we do not address them properly and that is not a pleasant memory at all. I have to remind myself not to dwell on the mistakes, so I do realize it’s not an easy thing to accomplish. It definitely is the right way to approach it however. As always, thank you for your support and encouraging words.
My best,
Lou
I have to agree. Sadly in my culture many people decide to hide from the mistake. When I know I made a mistake I am the first one to call it out. It helps me with dealing with it and neutralizing it as much as possible.
I am not scared of apologizing or doing something to fix it but I see how so many go the other route and they lose out on so many things. Great Advice!
Hi Raul,
Thank you for your comment and never be afraid to apologize or to recommend to others to do so, it’s liberating.
My best,
Lou
Great advice! Personal and Professional.
Thank you Terrilynn. Hope all is well.
Preach Lou – Preach…
You are so right on so many points – most of all when you state…”If you make a blunder and it affected others, you have to address it and make things right. If you do not, it will be the 800-pound gorilla in the room every time your paths cross”
Avoiding the fact that you made a mistake sometimes is worse than making the mistake…Call It Like It Is, and Move On! I always say, “RIP THE BAND OFF – The Pain Will Last Only A Second…Than You Can Move On!”
Another EXCELLENT point that you provide is…”People will appreciate it when you take responsibility and work at fixing what you did wrong. Quite often, that ownership will strengthen a relationship.” I find this especially true with clients – when you can address a problem/mistake before they even notice – that does wonders to helping building the relationship Of course, we are talking about “mistakes” here, so we need to put it into perspective – we strive to be PERFECT, but “Stuff” does happen – being proactive and accepting your lumps can and will go a long way.
And finally, as you state…”You have made the mistake, learned from it, and addressed it; now it’s time to move on. Do not dwell on it and get caught up in a vortex of doubt. The rehashing over and over again is only going to cause agony and derailment, and won’t help you grow in any way.” I forgot what coach stated it, but I have heard it over and over again…Don’t Let ONE MISTAKE BECOME TWO! You Made The Mistake, You Learned From It, NOW MOVE ON!
Thanks Lou for taking the time to tell us what we all should already know…WE ARE HUMAN! Accept It – Embrace It – Learn From It!
SPGonz
Hi Steve,
Thank you for the very thoughtful comment. It one of the hardest things for many to address and it is so much easier to move on it you, as you state, rip the band aid off, and get to it as opposed to avoiding it. I appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to leave such a great comment.
My best,
Lou
Sage advice, Lou, and so true. It’s so easy to get bogged down. “Oh, I can’t believe I did that. What a dummy head I am.” On and on you go, insulting yourself, losing confidence. But none of it really does you much good, does it? Instead, learn from the mistake. Consider how the mistake was made and how it can be avoided in the future.
Then, as you so rightly say – move on.
Great post!
Thank you Margie.
I appreciate your kind words and you taking the time to stop by and share them.
My best,
Lou